LIFE & MOTHERHOOD COACH FOR MAMAS IN MIDLIFE

Tag: self-care for women

  • Setting Boundaries After 50: What Nobody Tells You About the Guilt

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up in the side panel.

    How are you? I hope you’re well. This week, I did my first long Ramblers walk with my new boots and a knapsack on my back. 10 miles, beautiful weather, boats, sparkles in the water, bluebells and butterflies. It was so fun and inspiring to meet new people. It felt freeing and each step was a step on my own Rediscovery journey. I’m going to book another one.

    So this week I set a boundary with someone so that I could protect my peace. It was important to me and I had to do it. It was difficult for me to do.

    Defining a boundary is a truth you say out loud. You say what you need. For what your body needs (instead of storing it in tension) and what your mind needs (instead of storing angst).

    For most of our adult lives, especially as women, as mothers and carers, we often care about and for other people. Perhaps we gave way on things that mattered because it was easier. Perhaps we stayed quiet in situations that cost us something. Perhaps we called it being reasonable, being nice, being a good mother, daughter, colleague, friend.

    I had a moment when I realised that I had spent so long accommodating everyone else’s preferences that I genuinely had lost my own. Not because I didn’t have them. But because I’d spent years taking care of everyone else at my own expense. I don’t blame them – it was me, fitting into some belief or social system.

    A boundary can seem aggressive but it isn’t. Nor is it unkindness. It’s the honest answer to the question: what will I accept, and what won’t I accept any more?

    The discomfort you feel when you live with a boundary – that guilt, that urge to apologise and take it back – that’s not evidence that you’ve done something wrong. It’s evidence that you’ve spent a very long time not doing this. New things feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

    This week’s practice:

    Sit quietly with these questions. Write honestly, without editing:

    • What have I been tolerating that I know, deep down, I shouldn’t be?
    • Where do I feel drained, resentful, or invisible?
    • What do I want instead?

    And finally, what is one step I could take to get from where I am to where I truly want to be? That’s the exciting part…

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What is one aspect of your life that you want to change, and how can you change it in one small way towards what you really want? Hit reply – I read every single one.

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    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , ,

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up in the side panel. How are you? I hope you’re well. This week, I did my first long Ramblers walk with my new boots and a knapsack on my back.…

  • How to Rediscover Old Passions After 50 (Even When Life Gets in the Way)

    Hello,

    This week is about rediscovering old passions we’ve forgotten. How’s it going for you?

    Maybe you’ve been thinking about something you used to love. But then the obstacles show up.

    Childcare. Who to go with. Will it even be worth it?

    And suddenly that small thing you wanted feels too complicated. So you let it go. Again.

    Here’s what I’m learning: the obstacles will always be there.

    There will always be a reason it’s not convenient. Always someone who can’t join you. Always a voice asking “is it really worth the effort?”

    But you know really that you don’t need perfect conditions to revisit what you love.

    You just need to decide it matters.

    I used to love theatre. Acting, live performance, getting completely lost in a story. But I haven’t acted or even been to see a play in years.

    This week I’m booking a ticket for next Friday, and I’m going. My husband’s away. My best friend’s on a cruise.

    But I’m going anyway. Even if I go alone.

    Because revisiting what you love doesn’t have to be grand, or some big adventure. It just has to happen.

    Today’s Action:

    This week: Revisit one old passion.

    Not perfectly. Not with ideal circumstances.

    Just do it. Even if you go alone. Even if it’s small. Even if it feels complicated.

    That’s how rediscovery starts—with one imperfect step. It’s still a step.

    With love and best wishes,
    Susy

    P.S. What’s one old passion you could revisit this week? Hit reply – I read every response.

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    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , ,

    Hello, This week is about rediscovering old passions we’ve forgotten. How’s it going for you? Maybe you’ve been thinking about something you used to love. But then the obstacles show up. Childcare. Who to go with. Will it even be worth it? And suddenly that small thing you wanted feels too complicated. So you let…

  • Party time and boundaries: A Story About Choosing Yourself at 50+

    Hello,

    This week we’ve been talking about boundaries.

    I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need?

    The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About

    This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would.

    This was a different kind of boundary. Non-negotiable. My son needed me, and everything else had to wait.

    But that same weekend, I did something unusual for me.

    I went to a party. Yes, an actual party. For adults.

    The Party I Almost Didn’t Attend

    It was my best friend’s 55th birthday celebration—three hours away. A six-hour round trip, plus breaks.

    Last year, I would have said, “It’s too far, I can’t go.”

    But this year, I thought: We have ONE life. I’m going.

    Which meant my 8-year-old son wouldn’t come. Which meant my husband would look after him.

    This was a boundary I wouldn’t normally set. I had to think it through. I had to justify it to myself.

    My son and husband would have fun together. They wouldn’t enjoy the long journey. My son would be bored at the party. And I wouldn’t be able to relax, catch up with my friend, and actually enjoy myself.

    The Guilt That Almost Stopped Me

    But here’s the thing: why did I find this so difficult?

    The guilt of leaving him. The feeling of selfishness for not including them.

    Yet I also deeply knew: I needed to see my friend. To chat, to laugh, to really catch up properly about how we both are.

    For women over 50, choosing ourselves—especially when it means asking others to accommodate us for once—can feel almost revolutionary. The guilt is real. But so is the need.

    What Happened When I Said Yes

    And once I made that decision? Everything opened up.

    I met up with another old friend I haven’t seen for years. We spent three hours in a café in lovely Marlow, just talking.

    We’ve both been through rough times (haven’t we all?), and it was so good to be together.

    At the party, I met new people—interesting and interested people. One woman takes three dancing lessons a week: two tap, one ballet. Another has just booked a walking holiday. Another recently started her own interior design business.

    Making that one boundary—going to my friend’s party alone—opened up my world in unexpected ways.

    And here’s the beautiful part: everyone had a great weekend.

    The Power of One Boundary

    Sometimes, setting one boundary creates a ripple effect you never expected.

    That party wasn’t just about celebrating my friend’s birthday. It was about saying: I matter too. My friendships matter. My joy matters.

    It was about choosing myself—not instead of my family, but alongside them.

    And trusting that everyone would be absolutely fine without me for one day.

    They were.

    Your Turn

    This week, I invite you to reflect on your own boundaries.

    What boundary are you setting—or could you set—that might open up your world in ways you haven’t imagined?

    Where are you holding yourself back to accommodate everyone else?

    What would it look like to choose yourself, even just for one day?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. If you’re constantly struggling with boundaries and the guilt that comes with them, you’re not alone. Reply and tell me about it. I’m here. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    Hello, This week we’ve been talking about boundaries. I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need? The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would. This was a different kind…