LIFE & MOTHERHOOD COACH FOR MAMAS IN MIDLIFE

Category: self-care

  • Claiming Your Own Peace After 50: Why Keeping Everyone Else’s Peace Isn’t the Same Thing

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side panel.

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week I walked twelve miles in the sunshine – a circular route arranged by the Ramblers. My aim is one long walk somewhere new once a month. Somewhere along the way I got talking to a woman who’d spent decades following her husband’s career around the world. Switzerland, different cities, different schools. And now, at nearly sixty, she’d decided: they’re staying put in the UK, and she’s figuring out who she is and what she wants for herself. I recognised that decision – that feeling of It’s Time.

    This week: claiming your peace.

    Not the peace that exists for other people – the careful words, the managed moods, the going-somewhere-you-didn’t-want-to-go. That’s not real peace. That’s maintenance work.

    Real peace is an internal state — calm, settled, confident in yourself.

    I know what it costs to keep everyone else’s peace. I’ve been far too good at it. And what I’ve learned is this: it doesn’t actually keep the peace. It keeps the status quo. Which is a very different thing.

    And at some point you notice: you’ve been attending to everyone’s peace except your own. And something has to change.

    The good news is that peace isn’t something you find. It’s something you decide. You claim it. You protect it. You come back to it when something pulls you away from it. It’s yours.

    Certain relationships or situations will still disrupt it – that’s just life. The difference is knowing how to notice it, deal with it, and return to yourself. With practice you return to your peace more quickly and for longer.

    Nobody else is responsible for your peace. Nobody is going to hand it to you. And knowing that isn’t sad or hopeless – it’s liberating and empowering because it’s in your hands.

    Peace lives within you when your life is aligned to your values.

    This week’s practice:

    First, notice. When do you adjust yourself – what you say, how you behave, how much space you take up – in response to someone else’s mood or expectations?

    Ask yourself: is this genuine care? Whose peace am I keeping?

    Then, claim your peace. Here are some ways to do that this week:

    • Sit in stillness for five minutes. Close your eyes. Just breathe.
    • Go for a walk with no destination and no distractions – just you.
    • Rest when your body asks for it, without negotiating with yourself first.
    • Notice what disrupts your peace – and notice what helps you return to it.

    Small practices. Real results.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What does peace actually feel like for you? Hit reply. I’d love to know.

    FREE RESOURCES FOR YOU:

    What Do I Really Want? Your 5-Step Action Plan — for when you’ve lost touch with your own desires

    Get Your Spark Back Guide — small, practical ways to feel like yourself again

    Rediscover Your Values Workbook — get clear on what actually matters to you now

    All on my website: www.susyrosemary.com

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , , , , ,

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side panel. How are you? I hope you’re well. This week I walked twelve miles in the sunshine – a circular route arranged by the Ramblers. My aim…

  • Finding Your Authentic Voice After 50: The Difference Between Filtering for Care and Disappearing

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side panel.

    It’s Bank Holiday weekend here in the UK – it started with a trip to the seaside, some nursing work, and the particular pleasure of a quiet morning today with my milky coffee in my favourite mug.

    So today we’re talking about the power of speaking, of using your authentic voice.

    Because how we speak, to others and to ourselves, tells us who we currently are, and who we’re becoming.

    How many times do we speak inauthentically? It’s worth noticing – not as self-criticism, but as information. Are we just passing the time of day, or are we making a true connection? Are we saying what we mean, or a managed version of it?

    And then there’s how we speak to ourselves. That tone. Is it sharp? Is it kind? Is it fair? Because the way we talk to ourselves is the foundation everything else is built on.

    I filter. I know I do. Because I know people’s triggers and sensitivities – my children are sensitive, and I have to be careful about what I say and how I say it. But here’s what I’ve learned: that can still be authentic and loving. Filtering for care is different from filtering for self-erasure. One is thoughtfulness. The other is a slow disappearance, which I’ve experienced and have come back from.

    Sometimes we’ve edited how we speak just to keep the peace. Sometimes our anger speaks before we’re ready. Sometimes nervousness shows in a shaky voice, or a laugh that shouldn’t be there. We don’t need to perform. We just need to be truer.

    Sometimes I get this wrong. Sometimes I rush, or snap at my children, and immediately I regret it. Nothing good ever comes from it. And it usually happens when we’re running late, when I’m tired, when I’ve got too many things in my head at once. It always ends with an apology from me and a reminder to myself to learn.

    On the whole, I have learnt. Just by taking a bit more time. Just by knowing that rushing simply does not work for me. That pause, that extra breath, is where the authentic version lives.

    Speaking the truth can change your life. Speaking, discussing, not keeping your true feelings locked inside but letting them out in a considered way leads to alignment, and to peace. It can be hard. Others might not want to hear what you have to say. But in the end, it has to be said. So that you can be free.

    I’m still practising this. Some weeks I get it right – I say the true thing and it feels like a relief, like something unclenching. Other weeks I notice, ten minutes after a conversation, that I gave the managed version instead. And I think: next time. We have to learn. And we have to give ourselves grace.

    This week’s practice:

    Notice how you speak to someone this week:

    • Am I speaking authentically, or giving the managed version?
    • What feeling am I conveying? Is it the one I actually want to convey?
    • How am I speaking to myself today – is it with love?

    How you speak, how you use your voice – it’s one of the most powerful tools you have. It is a path back to yourself.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. When was the last time you said something and thought – yes, that was exactly right, that was actually me? Hit reply. I’d love to hear it.

    Ready to go deeper?

    FREE RESOURCES FOR YOU:

    What Do I Really Want? Your 5-Step Action Plan — for when you’ve lost touch with your own desires

    Get Your Spark Back Guide — small, practical ways to feel like yourself again

    Rediscover Your Values Workbook — get clear on what actually matters to you now

    All on my website: www.susyrosemary.com

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , ,

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side panel. It’s Bank Holiday weekend here in the UK – it started with a trip to the seaside, some nursing work, and the particular pleasure of a…

  • Setting Boundaries After 50: What Nobody Tells You About the Guilt

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up in the side panel.

    How are you? I hope you’re well. This week, I did my first long Ramblers walk with my new boots and a knapsack on my back. 10 miles, beautiful weather, boats, sparkles in the water, bluebells and butterflies. It was so fun and inspiring to meet new people. It felt freeing and each step was a step on my own Rediscovery journey. I’m going to book another one.

    So this week I set a boundary with someone so that I could protect my peace. It was important to me and I had to do it. It was difficult for me to do.

    Defining a boundary is a truth you say out loud. You say what you need. For what your body needs (instead of storing it in tension) and what your mind needs (instead of storing angst).

    For most of our adult lives, especially as women, as mothers and carers, we often care about and for other people. Perhaps we gave way on things that mattered because it was easier. Perhaps we stayed quiet in situations that cost us something. Perhaps we called it being reasonable, being nice, being a good mother, daughter, colleague, friend.

    I had a moment when I realised that I had spent so long accommodating everyone else’s preferences that I genuinely had lost my own. Not because I didn’t have them. But because I’d spent years taking care of everyone else at my own expense. I don’t blame them – it was me, fitting into some belief or social system.

    A boundary can seem aggressive but it isn’t. Nor is it unkindness. It’s the honest answer to the question: what will I accept, and what won’t I accept any more?

    The discomfort you feel when you live with a boundary – that guilt, that urge to apologise and take it back – that’s not evidence that you’ve done something wrong. It’s evidence that you’ve spent a very long time not doing this. New things feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

    This week’s practice:

    Sit quietly with these questions. Write honestly, without editing:

    • What have I been tolerating that I know, deep down, I shouldn’t be?
    • Where do I feel drained, resentful, or invisible?
    • What do I want instead?

    And finally, what is one step I could take to get from where I am to where I truly want to be? That’s the exciting part…

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What is one aspect of your life that you want to change, and how can you change it in one small way towards what you really want? Hit reply – I read every single one.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , ,

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up in the side panel. How are you? I hope you’re well. This week, I did my first long Ramblers walk with my new boots and a knapsack on my back.…

  • The Dream I Carried For Years (And What Happened When I Actually Lived It)

    I want to tell you about a dream I carried for years.

    A house in France. Green shutters. A different kind of life.

    I used to look out of my kitchen window on a grey English morning and think: there has to be more than this. And eventually — after years of waiting, talking myself out of it, talking myself back into it — we actually did it.

    And it was beautiful. The light in France in the early morning is unlike anything I’ve experienced. Warm and golden and slow. Nothing like February in Hampshire.

    But here’s what I didn’t expect: the hard part wasn’t the logistics or the upheaval or the uncertainty. The hard part was deciding that what I wanted was worth the disruption. That the dream — not the sensible choice, not the thing that made logistical sense — deserved to actually happen.

    For decades I’d been building a life around what worked. What was practical. What kept things smooth. I’m good at that — I’m a nurse, I’m a mother, I know how to hold things together. But somewhere in all that holding, I knew I was waiting too.

    You Are Not Going Backwards

    In my Motherhood Studies training, I studied a framework called the Maternal Self in Motion, developed by Dr Sophie Brock. It describes identity using the metaphor of a train journey — tracks, stations, carriages. The idea is that our sense of self isn’t something fixed we return to. It travels. It moves through stations of change, picks things up, sets things down, arrives somewhere new.

    The women I speak with often say they want to get back to who they were. But that woman isn’t behind you. She’s further down the track — carrying more wisdom, more clarity, a harder-won understanding of what she will and will not accept.

    You’re not going backwards to find yourself. You’re going forward, into a version of your life that can fit who you’ve actually become.

    What France Gave Me

    I loved France but it didn’t last. We came back after just a few months — Charlie needed his friends, his language, his home, his school system. People said, Charlie will be fine, just stay! But I knew he wasn’t fine. It simply wasn’t going to be right for him. He’s thriving now and is about to be Jack in Jack and the Beanstalk — which feels like an excellent life outcome.

    But I’m so glad we went.

    Going to live my dream gave me something I didn’t even know I needed: proof that I could choose something just because I wanted it. That the life I wanted was worth the uncertainty of actually trying. And I still feel like I lived that dream, even if just for a short time. It’s changed my life going forward — no more waiting.

    And now I’m planning my next dream. Walking in the mountains.

    So Let Me Ask You

    What do you want? Not what’s sensible. Not what will please everyone. What do you want for your one life?

    Sit down with a piece of paper — not your phone, actual paper — and finish this sentence without editing yourself:

    “The life I actually want looks like…”

    Write for five minutes. Don’t stop. Don’t cross anything out.

    Then circle the one thing that surprises you most. The thing you wrote and then immediately felt you shouldn’t have.

    That’s the one worth paying attention to.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    I want to tell you about a dream I carried for years. A house in France. Green shutters. A different kind of life. I used to look out of my kitchen window on a grey English morning and think: there has to be more than this. And eventually — after years of waiting, talking myself…

  • Make Time for You (Without the Guilt)

    You know that feeling — work, family, building something for you… and somehow you still end up last on the list.

    Lately I’ve been learning something the hard way:

    If I don’t make time for what matters to me, I lose part of myself.

    And there is no need to feel guilty for making time for yourself.

    Because this is your life. And the years? They pass quickly.

    Last week I almost cancelled my gym membership. I only started at the end of December, and I had that familiar thought loop:

    Am I using it enough?
    Is it worth it?
    It’s not just the one-hour class — it’s the time before and after too.

    And then the verdict arrived, loud and judgey:

    “I should cancel. I don’t have time for this. There are more important things.”

    That word: important.

    As if my wants don’t count as important. Seriously.

    My needs are important.

    I nearly cancelled… but then I stopped and asked myself:

    Why doesn’t this count as important?

    Why is it that when my son needs help, that’s important?
    When someone else asks for my time, that’s important?

    But when I want something — just for me, just because it makes me happy — it’s not?

    So I went to the Pilates class again.

    I laughed at the aches in my arms and legs. I enjoyed the teacher’s jokes. And I took two hours for a one-hour class.

    The work waited.

    And when I came home, I felt lighter. More myself. More able to show up for everything else… because I’d shown up for me first.

    Here’s what we’re never told:

    Making time for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s how you stay whole.

    When you only ever give — when you never refill — you don’t become some saintly superwoman.

    You become depleted.
    Resentful.
    Disconnected from who you are.

    You become someone who exists only in relation to other people’s needs.

    And that’s not sustainable. It’s not even kind — to them or to you.

    Making time for what matters to you isn’t taking away from anyone else.

    It’s making sure you’re still you when you look in the mirror.

    A woman with interests. Wants. Preferences.
    A life beyond being useful.

    Maybe you’ve been doing what I almost did:

    Cancelling the things that matter to you because they feel “less important” than everything else.

    Telling yourself you’ll get to it later. Someday. When there’s more time.

    Except… there’s never more time.

    There’s just now.
    And the choice to make time for yourself.

    This week’s practice

    Block one hour this week for something you want.

    Not something productive.
    Not something for someone else.
    Just something that matters to you.

    • Read a book just for pleasure
    • Go somewhere you’ve wanted to go
    • Spend time on a hobby you’ve been ignoring
    • Do absolutely nothing and call it rest

    Make the time. Protect it.

    Because you, my friend, are worthy of your own time and attention.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , , ,

    You know that feeling — work, family, building something for you… and somehow you still end up last on the list. Lately I’ve been learning something the hard way: If I don’t make time for what matters to me, I lose part of myself. And there is no need to feel guilty for making time…

  • The Cake That Didn’t Win: Finding Joy in the Ordinary Chaos of Life

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week I want to share a story about small joys. And it starts with a chocolate cake.

    The School Cake Competition

    My son’s school had a cake competition to raise funds. We made a chocolate cake covered in smarties—full of colour and jolliness.

    It didn’t win but the slices sold out in minutes.

    And you know what? There were joys everywhere.

    The Small Joys I Almost Missed

    Making the cake with my 8-year-old the night before. Yes, there was mess. Yes, there was flour on the floor and butter icing on the counter. But we laughed. We tasted the icing straight from the bowl. We made something together.

    I could have been stressed about the mess. I could have worried about whether our cake would win. I could have said “not tonight, I’m too tired.”

    But I didn’t. And because of that, I got to experience something beautiful: being present with my son. Creating something together. Not worrying about perfection.

    The Girl With 50p

    At the cake sale, one girl came to the stall with only 50p. Each slice was £1.

    I said, “Don’t worry, choose one. I’ll pay for the other 50p.”

    Her face lit up. That moment—that tiny, ordinary moment—was just joy.

    Not because I was being a hero. Not because it was a grand gesture. But because in that moment, a small act of kindness created a ripple of happiness for both of us.

    What Small Joys Really Are

    For women over 50, we’ve been taught that joy comes from the big things. The promotions. The milestones. The achievements.

    But what if joy isn’t about the big things at all?

    What if it’s about:

    • Making a cake with your child on a Tuesday night
    • Eating butter icing straight from the bowl
    • Helping a little girl get the cake slice she wanted
    • The mayhem of a busy cake sale
    • Eating someone else’s delicious cake afterwards

    None of this was Instagram-worthy. None of it was a “win.”

    But it was joy and happiness.

    Small Joys Aren’t the Extras—They ARE Life

    The big things change your trajectory. Absolutely.

    The new job. The house move. The life-changing decision.

    But the small things? They make up every single day.

    And when you start noticing them—really noticing them—life starts feeling different.

    Not because everything is perfect. But because you’re finally paying attention to what’s already here.

    The laughter. The mess. The kindness. The chaos. The sweetness.

    All of it.

    Your Turn

    What small joy did you notice this week?

    Was it:

    • A conversation that made you laugh?
    • The way the morning light came through your window?
    • A moment of quiet with your tea?
    • Someone’s unexpected kindness?

    I’d love to hear. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every response.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. The cake was delicious. Even if it didn’t win. 😊

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , ,

    Hello, How are you? I hope you’re well. This week I want to share a story about small joys. And it starts with a chocolate cake. The School Cake Competition My son’s school had a cake competition to raise funds. We made a chocolate cake covered in smarties—full of colour and jolliness. It didn’t win…

  • Small Joys Matter

    Small Joys Matter More Than You Think: Why Happiness Isn’t What You’ve Been Told

    Sometimes I just go out for a walk. The sun comes out and it’s such a small thing. But it always lifts me and I feel happy.

    And I’ve been thinking about that—how we dismiss small joys as if they don’t count.

    So let’s let the small things matter.

    The Big Happiness Myth

    I used to think happiness had to be big. Achievements. Milestones. Life-changing aha moments.

    I’d look for it in the big things: promotions, holidays, major events. And when those things didn’t bring lasting happiness, I’d feel disappointed.

    Why wasn’t I happier? Why did the good things fade so quickly?

    But I was walking past small joys every single day and not even noticing them.

    The first coffee of the morning (I love a hot, milky coffee). The moment my son laughs at something silly. The feeling of clean sheets. The way light comes through the window at 4pm and catches on a hanging crystal.

    Tiny things.

    Except they aren’t tiny. They’re everything.

    What We’ve Been Taught About Joy

    We’ve been conditioned to think small joys don’t count. That happiness has to be earned through big accomplishments.

    But what if happiness isn’t one big thing, but the hundred small things we’re not paying attention to?

    For women over 50, this realization can be profound. After decades of chasing milestones—raising children, building careers, managing households—we often forget that joy doesn’t have to be earned. It’s already here. In the everyday. In the small.

    The Night Shift Biscuit

    Last week, I was at work during a night shift. It was going to be busy. And then a colleague brought in homemade biscuits. Just because.

    And when I was flagging, I took five minutes out, sat down and enjoyed one. Absolutely delicious, and I was so grateful to her. It mattered. And for those five minutes, I felt light. Connected. Happy. I thanked her. And I got on with my work.

    That five-minute break with a biscuit wasn’t “just a nice moment.” It was genuine happiness. The kind that keeps you going through a 12-hour night shift.

    Small Joys Aren’t Consolation Prizes

    Here’s what I’m learning: small joys aren’t consolation prizes for not having big happiness.

    They are happiness.

    The moment in the sun. The first coffee. The five minutes with a biscuit. The clean sheets. The way your body feels after a good stretch.

    These aren’t “nice moments while we wait for real happiness.”

    This is it. This is the happiness.

    What Are You Walking Past?

    Maybe you’ve been doing what I did—walking past small joys because you’re looking for something bigger.

    Waiting for the big thing that will finally make you happy. The achievement. The change. The moment when everything falls into place.

    And missing all the small things that are right here, with you, every day.

    The coffee that’s still hot. The text from a friend. The way your favourite song came on the radio at just the right moment. The clean kitchen after a long day. The feeling of finally sitting down.

    These matter. They count. They ARE the happiness you’re searching for.

    Your Practice This Week

    Notice 3 small joys every day.

    • The warmth of your tea
    • Something that made you smile
    • The way your body feels when you stretch
    • A text from someone you love

    Notice them. Name them. Let them matter.

    That’s happiness.

    Not someday. Not when everything is perfect. Not when you’ve achieved enough or fixed enough or become enough.

    Now. Today. In the small things you’re already living.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—what’s one small joy you noticed this week?

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What’s one small joy you noticed this week? I love hearing them. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    Small Joys Matter More Than You Think: Why Happiness Isn’t What You’ve Been Told Sometimes I just go out for a walk. The sun comes out and it’s such a small thing. But it always lifts me and I feel happy. And I’ve been thinking about that—how we dismiss small joys as if they don’t…

  • Party time and boundaries: A Story About Choosing Yourself at 50+

    Hello,

    This week we’ve been talking about boundaries.

    I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need?

    The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About

    This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would.

    This was a different kind of boundary. Non-negotiable. My son needed me, and everything else had to wait.

    But that same weekend, I did something unusual for me.

    I went to a party. Yes, an actual party. For adults.

    The Party I Almost Didn’t Attend

    It was my best friend’s 55th birthday celebration—three hours away. A six-hour round trip, plus breaks.

    Last year, I would have said, “It’s too far, I can’t go.”

    But this year, I thought: We have ONE life. I’m going.

    Which meant my 8-year-old son wouldn’t come. Which meant my husband would look after him.

    This was a boundary I wouldn’t normally set. I had to think it through. I had to justify it to myself.

    My son and husband would have fun together. They wouldn’t enjoy the long journey. My son would be bored at the party. And I wouldn’t be able to relax, catch up with my friend, and actually enjoy myself.

    The Guilt That Almost Stopped Me

    But here’s the thing: why did I find this so difficult?

    The guilt of leaving him. The feeling of selfishness for not including them.

    Yet I also deeply knew: I needed to see my friend. To chat, to laugh, to really catch up properly about how we both are.

    For women over 50, choosing ourselves—especially when it means asking others to accommodate us for once—can feel almost revolutionary. The guilt is real. But so is the need.

    What Happened When I Said Yes

    And once I made that decision? Everything opened up.

    I met up with another old friend I haven’t seen for years. We spent three hours in a café in lovely Marlow, just talking.

    We’ve both been through rough times (haven’t we all?), and it was so good to be together.

    At the party, I met new people—interesting and interested people. One woman takes three dancing lessons a week: two tap, one ballet. Another has just booked a walking holiday. Another recently started her own interior design business.

    Making that one boundary—going to my friend’s party alone—opened up my world in unexpected ways.

    And here’s the beautiful part: everyone had a great weekend.

    The Power of One Boundary

    Sometimes, setting one boundary creates a ripple effect you never expected.

    That party wasn’t just about celebrating my friend’s birthday. It was about saying: I matter too. My friendships matter. My joy matters.

    It was about choosing myself—not instead of my family, but alongside them.

    And trusting that everyone would be absolutely fine without me for one day.

    They were.

    Your Turn

    This week, I invite you to reflect on your own boundaries.

    What boundary are you setting—or could you set—that might open up your world in ways you haven’t imagined?

    Where are you holding yourself back to accommodate everyone else?

    What would it look like to choose yourself, even just for one day?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. If you’re constantly struggling with boundaries and the guilt that comes with them, you’re not alone. Reply and tell me about it. I’m here. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    Hello, This week we’ve been talking about boundaries. I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need? The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would. This was a different kind…