LIFE & MOTHERHOOD COACH FOR MAMAS IN MIDLIFE

Category: Self-Trust

  • Claiming Your Own Peace After 50: Why Keeping Everyone Else’s Peace Isn’t the Same Thing

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side panel.

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week I walked twelve miles in the sunshine – a circular route arranged by the Ramblers. My aim is one long walk somewhere new once a month. Somewhere along the way I got talking to a woman who’d spent decades following her husband’s career around the world. Switzerland, different cities, different schools. And now, at nearly sixty, she’d decided: they’re staying put in the UK, and she’s figuring out who she is and what she wants for herself. I recognised that decision – that feeling of It’s Time.

    This week: claiming your peace.

    Not the peace that exists for other people – the careful words, the managed moods, the going-somewhere-you-didn’t-want-to-go. That’s not real peace. That’s maintenance work.

    Real peace is an internal state — calm, settled, confident in yourself.

    I know what it costs to keep everyone else’s peace. I’ve been far too good at it. And what I’ve learned is this: it doesn’t actually keep the peace. It keeps the status quo. Which is a very different thing.

    And at some point you notice: you’ve been attending to everyone’s peace except your own. And something has to change.

    The good news is that peace isn’t something you find. It’s something you decide. You claim it. You protect it. You come back to it when something pulls you away from it. It’s yours.

    Certain relationships or situations will still disrupt it – that’s just life. The difference is knowing how to notice it, deal with it, and return to yourself. With practice you return to your peace more quickly and for longer.

    Nobody else is responsible for your peace. Nobody is going to hand it to you. And knowing that isn’t sad or hopeless – it’s liberating and empowering because it’s in your hands.

    Peace lives within you when your life is aligned to your values.

    This week’s practice:

    First, notice. When do you adjust yourself – what you say, how you behave, how much space you take up – in response to someone else’s mood or expectations?

    Ask yourself: is this genuine care? Whose peace am I keeping?

    Then, claim your peace. Here are some ways to do that this week:

    • Sit in stillness for five minutes. Close your eyes. Just breathe.
    • Go for a walk with no destination and no distractions – just you.
    • Rest when your body asks for it, without negotiating with yourself first.
    • Notice what disrupts your peace – and notice what helps you return to it.

    Small practices. Real results.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What does peace actually feel like for you? Hit reply. I’d love to know.

    FREE RESOURCES FOR YOU:

    What Do I Really Want? Your 5-Step Action Plan — for when you’ve lost touch with your own desires

    Get Your Spark Back Guide — small, practical ways to feel like yourself again

    Rediscover Your Values Workbook — get clear on what actually matters to you now

    All on my website: www.susyrosemary.com

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    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , , , , ,

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side panel. How are you? I hope you’re well. This week I walked twelve miles in the sunshine – a circular route arranged by the Ramblers. My aim…

  • Setting Boundaries After 50: What Nobody Tells You About the Guilt

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up in the side panel.

    How are you? I hope you’re well. This week, I did my first long Ramblers walk with my new boots and a knapsack on my back. 10 miles, beautiful weather, boats, sparkles in the water, bluebells and butterflies. It was so fun and inspiring to meet new people. It felt freeing and each step was a step on my own Rediscovery journey. I’m going to book another one.

    So this week I set a boundary with someone so that I could protect my peace. It was important to me and I had to do it. It was difficult for me to do.

    Defining a boundary is a truth you say out loud. You say what you need. For what your body needs (instead of storing it in tension) and what your mind needs (instead of storing angst).

    For most of our adult lives, especially as women, as mothers and carers, we often care about and for other people. Perhaps we gave way on things that mattered because it was easier. Perhaps we stayed quiet in situations that cost us something. Perhaps we called it being reasonable, being nice, being a good mother, daughter, colleague, friend.

    I had a moment when I realised that I had spent so long accommodating everyone else’s preferences that I genuinely had lost my own. Not because I didn’t have them. But because I’d spent years taking care of everyone else at my own expense. I don’t blame them – it was me, fitting into some belief or social system.

    A boundary can seem aggressive but it isn’t. Nor is it unkindness. It’s the honest answer to the question: what will I accept, and what won’t I accept any more?

    The discomfort you feel when you live with a boundary – that guilt, that urge to apologise and take it back – that’s not evidence that you’ve done something wrong. It’s evidence that you’ve spent a very long time not doing this. New things feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

    This week’s practice:

    Sit quietly with these questions. Write honestly, without editing:

    • What have I been tolerating that I know, deep down, I shouldn’t be?
    • Where do I feel drained, resentful, or invisible?
    • What do I want instead?

    And finally, what is one step I could take to get from where I am to where I truly want to be? That’s the exciting part…

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What is one aspect of your life that you want to change, and how can you change it in one small way towards what you really want? Hit reply – I read every single one.

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    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , ,

    This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up in the side panel. How are you? I hope you’re well. This week, I did my first long Ramblers walk with my new boots and a knapsack on my back.…

  • Boundaries Work Both Ways: The Hard Truth About Respecting Other People’s No

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week we’ve been talking about boundaries—the ones you set, the ones you need to hold. But what about when other people’s boundaries affect you?

    The Other Side of Boundaries

    The friend who doesn’t reply to your message. The invitation you didn’t get. The person who says “No thanks” when you wanted “Yes please.”

    Those hurt. And they’re still boundaries we need to respect.

    It’s easy to talk about setting OUR boundaries. But what happens when we’re on the receiving end of someone else’s?

    The Party I Wasn’t Invited To

    I remember when my Mum told me I was invited to my uncle’s 80th birthday party. He’s my godfather, and the whole family would be there.

    “Everyone’s invited,” she said.

    I hadn’t received an invitation myself, but I trusted her. And even though it was far away—normally I’d say no because of the distance—I thought: this time I’ll go. I’ll make the effort. I booked accommodation and put it in the diary.

    Then a few weeks later, Mum called. “This is embarrassing,” she started. “You’re not actually invited. They don’t have room in the restaurant.”

    Ouch.

    The embarrassment. The hurt. The anger, if I’m honest.

    I cancelled the trip. I felt foolish. I should have waited for an actual invitation. I should have checked directly with them instead of assuming.

    The Boundary I Didn’t Want to See

    But here’s the point: they had a boundary. A certain number of places. And I wasn’t high enough on the guest list.

    It stung. But it was their boundary to set.

    Not mine to challenge. Not mine to be angry about. Theirs.

    And accepting that—truly accepting it—was harder than setting any boundary of my own.

    Boundaries Don’t Only Work One Way

    We love talking about OUR boundaries. The ones we set. The ones we hold. The ones we’re proud of finally saying no to.

    But boundaries don’t just work in one direction.

    Sometimes you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s boundary. And that’s hard. Sometimes painfully hard.

    The friend who’s pulled back without explanation. The family member who doesn’t return your calls. The person who said no when you desperately wanted yes.

    Those boundaries can feel like rejection. Like you don’t matter. Like you’ve done something wrong.

    But here’s the truth: respecting other people’s boundaries—even when they hurt, even when they embarrass you—is part of having boundaries yourself.

    You can’t demand people include you, reply to you, or prioritize you.

    Just like they can’t demand those things from you.

    It’s the same principle. Just from the other side.

    Why This Matters for Women Over 50

    For women over 50, this can be especially painful.

    We’ve spent decades making ourselves available to everyone. Picking up the phone. Saying yes. Including people. Making sure no one feels left out.

    So when someone doesn’t do that for us? It feels like a betrayal.

    But it’s not. It’s just a boundary. And it’s theirs to set.

    Learning to respect boundaries that hurt is one of the deepest forms of emotional maturity. And one of the hardest.

    Your Reflection

    Can you think of a boundary someone else has set that’s hard for you to respect?

    The friend who’s pulled back. The family member who doesn’t respond. The person who said no when you wanted yes.

    Can you let them have that boundary—even though it hurts, even though it’s not what you wanted?

    It doesn’t mean you don’t matter.

    It just means they have a boundary. And so do you.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What boundary is hard for you to respect right now? Hit reply—I’m here to listen. 💛

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    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , ,

    Hello, How are you? I hope you’re well. This week we’ve been talking about boundaries—the ones you set, the ones you need to hold. But what about when other people’s boundaries affect you? The Other Side of Boundaries The friend who doesn’t reply to your message. The invitation you didn’t get. The person who says…

  • Don’t Wait to Feel Like It: Motivation for Women Over 50

    Starting over at 50 means learning to trust yourself again—even when you don’t feel ready.

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week is about starting something new as a woman over 50.

    I started something new yesterday—I went to the gym and did a Pilates class.

    I did not want to go. It was raining. I was happy doing some work at home. But I do want to feel great. I do want to feel strong.

    So I went. And I’m so glad I did. I felt muscles I didn’t know existed. Everyone was friendly. I felt like part of something positive and progressive.

    Building Confidence in Your 50s: Don’t Wait to Feel Motivated

    Here’s what I learned about motivation for women over 50: Don’t wait to FEEL like you want to do something. Do it anyway.

    I didn’t feel like going at all. But I knew I would feel good afterwards. That’s self-trust for women over 50. That’s knowing: if you do X, you’ll feel Y.

    Starting over at 50 often means not taking the easy option.

    The easy option would have been to stay home and say, “I’ll wait for another day.” It would have been easy to carry on with what I was doing.

    But by going, I became part of something. I was inspired by every single person there—men, women, of all different ages and body shapes.

    Overcoming Resistance: A Practice for Women Over 50

    When you next don’t feel like doing something that you know you actually want to do… do it anyway.

    Beat that voice inside your head that’s discouraging you. Yes, it can be loud.

    Be your own best friend. Do the right thing. One step at a time. One day at a time.

    This is how women over 50 build confidence—not by waiting for motivation, but by trusting yourself enough to take action first.

    Your Turn: Taking Action in Midlife

    What’s one thing you’ve been putting off that you know would make you feel good?

    For women over 50 who are starting over, the secret isn’t feeling ready. It’s trusting yourself enough to begin.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

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    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , ,

    Starting over at 50 means learning to trust yourself again—even when you don’t feel ready. How are you? I hope you’re well. This week is about starting something new as a woman over 50. I started something new yesterday—I went to the gym and did a Pilates class. I did not want to go. It…