LIFE & MOTHERHOOD COACH FOR MAMAS IN MIDLIFE

Category: women over 50

  • Sometimes Rediscovery Looks Like a Library Cookbook

    It’s been a fairly ordinary week — some nursing, coaching work, school runs, and February doing its thing with bright daffodils and snowdrops in gardens, parks and meadows.

    But something small lit something up for me this week, and I wanted to share it.

    My son Charlie and I went to the library. We came home with a stack of bright, picture-heavy children’s cookbooks — the kind where you choose recipes by the photos. I’ve been wanting to change my relationship with cooking for a while. Most days it feels like a chore to get through rather than enjoy. I needed some inspiration to energise it.

    So I tried something different.

    We made a Quiche Lorraine. A new chicken dish with mustard. Next up: homemade pizza, a sausage traybake, and lemon muffins for our cousins this weekend.

    Charlie didn’t actually cook with me in the end. But that wasn’t the point.

    The point was: I said I’d try something. I did. And I felt that YES — the “I did it” feeling nobody else can give you.

    Because I have to cook every day anyway. I may as well make it something that brings me alive.

    That’s rediscovery. Not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just a library cookbook on a Tuesday.

    Rediscovery doesn’t have to mean moving countries, changing careers, or making a grand announcement. It can be as quiet as choosing a different recipe. As small as borrowing a book. As simple as deciding that something you do every day anyway deserves to feel like yours.

    Women over 50 are often waiting for the big moment — the revelation, the sign, the perfect circumstances. But the spark doesn’t usually arrive that way. It arrives in ordinary Tuesday afternoons when you decide, almost without thinking, to do something a little differently.

    That decision — however small — is the beginning.

    What gave you your spark this week?

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , ,

    It’s been a fairly ordinary week — some nursing, coaching work, school runs, and February doing its thing with bright daffodils and snowdrops in gardens, parks and meadows. But something small lit something up for me this week, and I wanted to share it. My son Charlie and I went to the library. We came…

  • Your Spark Isn’t Gone — It’s Just Been Waiting

    Have you been feeling a little flat lately?

    Not depressed. Not broken. Just… a bit grey.

    Going through the motions. Doing what needs doing. Showing up for everyone else. But somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling that flicker — that sense of aliveness that used to be yours.

    I’ve been reflecting on this month’s theme: rediscovery. Reconnecting with what lights us up, with what makes each of us unique.

    And here’s what I want you to know before you read another word:

    Your spark isn’t gone. It’s just been a little lost, buried under years of looking after everything and everyone else.

    You can get it back. Every day, in some way, you can have your unique spark again.

    When the Years Just Passed

    A few years ago, I went through a period where I felt completely flat.

    I’d wake up. Go to my nursing shift. Come home. Sort everything. Do what needed doing. Repeat.

    Nothing was bad. But nothing excited me either. The years seemed to be just passing.

    The spark was there — I know that now. It was just hidden under years of putting everyone else first. Of being responsible, reliable, needed. Of doing what had to be done.

    I just couldn’t feel it anymore. And I knew I needed it back.

    How the Spark Came Back — In Small Moments

    With one simple shift in awareness — I wanted my spark back — I started to seek it out. And it returned in small, almost magical moments.

    I laughed at something silly my son said. I felt it.

    I sat with my daughter and really listened — no interrupting, no rushing. Just listened, then offered a few thoughts at the end. We connected. The spark was there.

    One morning I woke up genuinely looking forward to something I’d planned. That feeling of anticipation. The butterflies.

    Moments of aliveness.

    My spark wasn’t gone. It was waiting for me to notice it. Waiting for me to make space for it. Waiting for me to stop prioritising everything else long enough to remember: I’m allowed to want things just for me.

    Your Spark Is Still There Too

    We all have our unique spark. It’s what makes you, you.

    Under all the years of being who everyone needed you to be. Under all the times you said “I’m fine” when you weren’t. It’s still there.

    You don’t have to dig up every flicker at once. You don’t need a complete life transformation. You don’t have to quit your job and move to Italy — though if that’s your spark, I won’t stop you.

    Start smaller. Start with noticing.

    Notice the moments when you feel a little more alive. A little more yourself. When something makes you laugh, or pulls your attention, or creates that small bubble of anticipation in your chest.

    That’s your spark. It never left.

    This Week’s Practice

    Do one thing this week that makes you feel alive. Something that makes you feel like you.

    • Something that excites you
    • Something you’ve been putting off
    • Something that brings that small flicker back

    Notice it when it comes. That’s your spark. You’re back. And you’re on a wonderful journey of rediscovery.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. When did you last feel your spark? What were you doing? Leave a comment — I’d love to hear it.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    Have you been feeling a little flat lately? Not depressed. Not broken. Just… a bit grey. Going through the motions. Doing what needs doing. Showing up for everyone else. But somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling that flicker — that sense of aliveness that used to be yours. I’ve been reflecting on this month’s…

  • Make Time for You (Without the Guilt)

    You know that feeling — work, family, building something for you… and somehow you still end up last on the list.

    Lately I’ve been learning something the hard way:

    If I don’t make time for what matters to me, I lose part of myself.

    And there is no need to feel guilty for making time for yourself.

    Because this is your life. And the years? They pass quickly.

    Last week I almost cancelled my gym membership. I only started at the end of December, and I had that familiar thought loop:

    Am I using it enough?
    Is it worth it?
    It’s not just the one-hour class — it’s the time before and after too.

    And then the verdict arrived, loud and judgey:

    “I should cancel. I don’t have time for this. There are more important things.”

    That word: important.

    As if my wants don’t count as important. Seriously.

    My needs are important.

    I nearly cancelled… but then I stopped and asked myself:

    Why doesn’t this count as important?

    Why is it that when my son needs help, that’s important?
    When someone else asks for my time, that’s important?

    But when I want something — just for me, just because it makes me happy — it’s not?

    So I went to the Pilates class again.

    I laughed at the aches in my arms and legs. I enjoyed the teacher’s jokes. And I took two hours for a one-hour class.

    The work waited.

    And when I came home, I felt lighter. More myself. More able to show up for everything else… because I’d shown up for me first.

    Here’s what we’re never told:

    Making time for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s how you stay whole.

    When you only ever give — when you never refill — you don’t become some saintly superwoman.

    You become depleted.
    Resentful.
    Disconnected from who you are.

    You become someone who exists only in relation to other people’s needs.

    And that’s not sustainable. It’s not even kind — to them or to you.

    Making time for what matters to you isn’t taking away from anyone else.

    It’s making sure you’re still you when you look in the mirror.

    A woman with interests. Wants. Preferences.
    A life beyond being useful.

    Maybe you’ve been doing what I almost did:

    Cancelling the things that matter to you because they feel “less important” than everything else.

    Telling yourself you’ll get to it later. Someday. When there’s more time.

    Except… there’s never more time.

    There’s just now.
    And the choice to make time for yourself.

    This week’s practice

    Block one hour this week for something you want.

    Not something productive.
    Not something for someone else.
    Just something that matters to you.

    • Read a book just for pleasure
    • Go somewhere you’ve wanted to go
    • Spend time on a hobby you’ve been ignoring
    • Do absolutely nothing and call it rest

    Make the time. Protect it.

    Because you, my friend, are worthy of your own time and attention.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , , ,

    You know that feeling — work, family, building something for you… and somehow you still end up last on the list. Lately I’ve been learning something the hard way: If I don’t make time for what matters to me, I lose part of myself. And there is no need to feel guilty for making time…

  • The Cake That Didn’t Win: Finding Joy in the Ordinary Chaos of Life

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week I want to share a story about small joys. And it starts with a chocolate cake.

    The School Cake Competition

    My son’s school had a cake competition to raise funds. We made a chocolate cake covered in smarties—full of colour and jolliness.

    It didn’t win but the slices sold out in minutes.

    And you know what? There were joys everywhere.

    The Small Joys I Almost Missed

    Making the cake with my 8-year-old the night before. Yes, there was mess. Yes, there was flour on the floor and butter icing on the counter. But we laughed. We tasted the icing straight from the bowl. We made something together.

    I could have been stressed about the mess. I could have worried about whether our cake would win. I could have said “not tonight, I’m too tired.”

    But I didn’t. And because of that, I got to experience something beautiful: being present with my son. Creating something together. Not worrying about perfection.

    The Girl With 50p

    At the cake sale, one girl came to the stall with only 50p. Each slice was £1.

    I said, “Don’t worry, choose one. I’ll pay for the other 50p.”

    Her face lit up. That moment—that tiny, ordinary moment—was just joy.

    Not because I was being a hero. Not because it was a grand gesture. But because in that moment, a small act of kindness created a ripple of happiness for both of us.

    What Small Joys Really Are

    For women over 50, we’ve been taught that joy comes from the big things. The promotions. The milestones. The achievements.

    But what if joy isn’t about the big things at all?

    What if it’s about:

    • Making a cake with your child on a Tuesday night
    • Eating butter icing straight from the bowl
    • Helping a little girl get the cake slice she wanted
    • The mayhem of a busy cake sale
    • Eating someone else’s delicious cake afterwards

    None of this was Instagram-worthy. None of it was a “win.”

    But it was joy and happiness.

    Small Joys Aren’t the Extras—They ARE Life

    The big things change your trajectory. Absolutely.

    The new job. The house move. The life-changing decision.

    But the small things? They make up every single day.

    And when you start noticing them—really noticing them—life starts feeling different.

    Not because everything is perfect. But because you’re finally paying attention to what’s already here.

    The laughter. The mess. The kindness. The chaos. The sweetness.

    All of it.

    Your Turn

    What small joy did you notice this week?

    Was it:

    • A conversation that made you laugh?
    • The way the morning light came through your window?
    • A moment of quiet with your tea?
    • Someone’s unexpected kindness?

    I’d love to hear. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every response.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. The cake was delicious. Even if it didn’t win. 😊

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , , ,

    Hello, How are you? I hope you’re well. This week I want to share a story about small joys. And it starts with a chocolate cake. The School Cake Competition My son’s school had a cake competition to raise funds. We made a chocolate cake covered in smarties—full of colour and jolliness. It didn’t win…

  • Small Joys Matter

    Small Joys Matter More Than You Think: Why Happiness Isn’t What You’ve Been Told

    Sometimes I just go out for a walk. The sun comes out and it’s such a small thing. But it always lifts me and I feel happy.

    And I’ve been thinking about that—how we dismiss small joys as if they don’t count.

    So let’s let the small things matter.

    The Big Happiness Myth

    I used to think happiness had to be big. Achievements. Milestones. Life-changing aha moments.

    I’d look for it in the big things: promotions, holidays, major events. And when those things didn’t bring lasting happiness, I’d feel disappointed.

    Why wasn’t I happier? Why did the good things fade so quickly?

    But I was walking past small joys every single day and not even noticing them.

    The first coffee of the morning (I love a hot, milky coffee). The moment my son laughs at something silly. The feeling of clean sheets. The way light comes through the window at 4pm and catches on a hanging crystal.

    Tiny things.

    Except they aren’t tiny. They’re everything.

    What We’ve Been Taught About Joy

    We’ve been conditioned to think small joys don’t count. That happiness has to be earned through big accomplishments.

    But what if happiness isn’t one big thing, but the hundred small things we’re not paying attention to?

    For women over 50, this realization can be profound. After decades of chasing milestones—raising children, building careers, managing households—we often forget that joy doesn’t have to be earned. It’s already here. In the everyday. In the small.

    The Night Shift Biscuit

    Last week, I was at work during a night shift. It was going to be busy. And then a colleague brought in homemade biscuits. Just because.

    And when I was flagging, I took five minutes out, sat down and enjoyed one. Absolutely delicious, and I was so grateful to her. It mattered. And for those five minutes, I felt light. Connected. Happy. I thanked her. And I got on with my work.

    That five-minute break with a biscuit wasn’t “just a nice moment.” It was genuine happiness. The kind that keeps you going through a 12-hour night shift.

    Small Joys Aren’t Consolation Prizes

    Here’s what I’m learning: small joys aren’t consolation prizes for not having big happiness.

    They are happiness.

    The moment in the sun. The first coffee. The five minutes with a biscuit. The clean sheets. The way your body feels after a good stretch.

    These aren’t “nice moments while we wait for real happiness.”

    This is it. This is the happiness.

    What Are You Walking Past?

    Maybe you’ve been doing what I did—walking past small joys because you’re looking for something bigger.

    Waiting for the big thing that will finally make you happy. The achievement. The change. The moment when everything falls into place.

    And missing all the small things that are right here, with you, every day.

    The coffee that’s still hot. The text from a friend. The way your favourite song came on the radio at just the right moment. The clean kitchen after a long day. The feeling of finally sitting down.

    These matter. They count. They ARE the happiness you’re searching for.

    Your Practice This Week

    Notice 3 small joys every day.

    • The warmth of your tea
    • Something that made you smile
    • The way your body feels when you stretch
    • A text from someone you love

    Notice them. Name them. Let them matter.

    That’s happiness.

    Not someday. Not when everything is perfect. Not when you’ve achieved enough or fixed enough or become enough.

    Now. Today. In the small things you’re already living.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—what’s one small joy you noticed this week?

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What’s one small joy you noticed this week? I love hearing them. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    Small Joys Matter More Than You Think: Why Happiness Isn’t What You’ve Been Told Sometimes I just go out for a walk. The sun comes out and it’s such a small thing. But it always lifts me and I feel happy. And I’ve been thinking about that—how we dismiss small joys as if they don’t…

  • How to Rediscover Old Passions After 50 (Even When Life Gets in the Way)

    Hello,

    This week is about rediscovering old passions we’ve forgotten. How’s it going for you?

    Maybe you’ve been thinking about something you used to love. But then the obstacles show up.

    Childcare. Who to go with. Will it even be worth it?

    And suddenly that small thing you wanted feels too complicated. So you let it go. Again.

    Here’s what I’m learning: the obstacles will always be there.

    There will always be a reason it’s not convenient. Always someone who can’t join you. Always a voice asking “is it really worth the effort?”

    But you know really that you don’t need perfect conditions to revisit what you love.

    You just need to decide it matters.

    I used to love theatre. Acting, live performance, getting completely lost in a story. But I haven’t acted or even been to see a play in years.

    This week I’m booking a ticket for next Friday, and I’m going. My husband’s away. My best friend’s on a cruise.

    But I’m going anyway. Even if I go alone.

    Because revisiting what you love doesn’t have to be grand, or some big adventure. It just has to happen.

    Today’s Action:

    This week: Revisit one old passion.

    Not perfectly. Not with ideal circumstances.

    Just do it. Even if you go alone. Even if it’s small. Even if it feels complicated.

    That’s how rediscovery starts—with one imperfect step. It’s still a step.

    With love and best wishes,
    Susy

    P.S. What’s one old passion you could revisit this week? Hit reply – I read every response.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , ,

    Hello, This week is about rediscovering old passions we’ve forgotten. How’s it going for you? Maybe you’ve been thinking about something you used to love. But then the obstacles show up. Childcare. Who to go with. Will it even be worth it? And suddenly that small thing you wanted feels too complicated. So you let…

  • The Things You Forgot You Loved: Rediscovering the Passions That Got Buried

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you are well!

    I’ve been thinking about the things we forget. Not the important things—we remember plenty of those. But the small passions. The hobbies we used to love. The things that made us feel alive before life got so busy.

    The Music Books in the Loft

    Last week, I was sorting through some boxes in the loft. And I spotted my old music books—songs I used to play, back when I was living with my friends at uni. We’d take it in turns to sing and play at the piano and have such a laugh. Before family life, kids, homework, parents needing help, work, health issues…

    I remembered those happy times, spending hours at the piano or playing the flute. I would just forget about everything else.

    When did that all stop? I couldn’t even remember exactly. Life just got busy.

    But those passions haven’t disappeared. They just got a little lost under everything else. Under “I don’t have time for that anymore.” Under “that’s not important right now, there are more urgent things.”

    They’re Still There, Waiting

    But they still make me smile just thinking about them. They’re waiting for me and I’m so looking forward to getting back to them.

    In fact, I’ve just picked up a leaflet to join a monthly Tango band. Could be fun.

    Maybe for you it’s not music. Maybe it’s painting. Writing. Dancing. Gardening. Reading for pleasure instead of self-improvement. Cooking something just because you enjoy it.

    Those passions that you said you’d get back to “someday, when I have more time.”

    Except someday hasn’t arrived yet. Because there’s always something more urgent. Someone who needs you. Something that has to be done.

    But Here’s the Truth

    Those passions weren’t frivolous.

    They are you.

    The part of you that exists beyond being useful, needed, responsible. The part that existed just because it brought you joy.

    That part is still there.

    And it matters more than you think.

    Why We Let Our Passions Go

    For women over 50, this is especially painful to recognise.

    We spent decades being told—sometimes directly, sometimes not—that our joy wasn’t the priority. That other people’s needs came first. That hobbies were luxuries. That productivity was what mattered.

    So we quietly let our passions go. One by one. Without even noticing.

    The piano gathered dust. The paintbrushes dried out. The dancing shoes stayed in the back of the wardrobe.

    And somewhere along the way, we forgot what it felt like to do something purely because it made us feel alive.

    It’s Not Too Late

    But here’s the beautiful thing: those passions don’t disappear. They just wait.

    They’re there in the music books in the loft. In the leaflet for the Tango band. In the half-finished novel. In the garden you used to love but haven’t touched in years.

    They’re waiting for you to come back to them.

    And you don’t need hours. You don’t need permission. You don’t need to “find the time.”

    You just need 15 minutes. And a choice.

    This Week’s Practice

    Name 3 things you used to love before life got busy that made you feel alive and happy.

    • What hobby did you abandon when “real life” started?
    • What passion got buried under everything else?
    • What made you lose track of time?

    And then just choose one. One passion to revisit this week.

    Make time for it, even if it’s just 15 minutes.

    Let the magic happen.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What’s one thing you used to love that you forgot about? Hit reply—I’d love to hear. 💛

    💌 If this resonated with you, it might resonate with someone you know. Feel free to forward it.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , ,

    Hello, How are you? I hope you are well! I’ve been thinking about the things we forget. Not the important things—we remember plenty of those. But the small passions. The hobbies we used to love. The things that made us feel alive before life got so busy. The Music Books in the Loft Last week,…

  • Boundaries Work Both Ways: The Hard Truth About Respecting Other People’s No

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week we’ve been talking about boundaries—the ones you set, the ones you need to hold. But what about when other people’s boundaries affect you?

    The Other Side of Boundaries

    The friend who doesn’t reply to your message. The invitation you didn’t get. The person who says “No thanks” when you wanted “Yes please.”

    Those hurt. And they’re still boundaries we need to respect.

    It’s easy to talk about setting OUR boundaries. But what happens when we’re on the receiving end of someone else’s?

    The Party I Wasn’t Invited To

    I remember when my Mum told me I was invited to my uncle’s 80th birthday party. He’s my godfather, and the whole family would be there.

    “Everyone’s invited,” she said.

    I hadn’t received an invitation myself, but I trusted her. And even though it was far away—normally I’d say no because of the distance—I thought: this time I’ll go. I’ll make the effort. I booked accommodation and put it in the diary.

    Then a few weeks later, Mum called. “This is embarrassing,” she started. “You’re not actually invited. They don’t have room in the restaurant.”

    Ouch.

    The embarrassment. The hurt. The anger, if I’m honest.

    I cancelled the trip. I felt foolish. I should have waited for an actual invitation. I should have checked directly with them instead of assuming.

    The Boundary I Didn’t Want to See

    But here’s the point: they had a boundary. A certain number of places. And I wasn’t high enough on the guest list.

    It stung. But it was their boundary to set.

    Not mine to challenge. Not mine to be angry about. Theirs.

    And accepting that—truly accepting it—was harder than setting any boundary of my own.

    Boundaries Don’t Only Work One Way

    We love talking about OUR boundaries. The ones we set. The ones we hold. The ones we’re proud of finally saying no to.

    But boundaries don’t just work in one direction.

    Sometimes you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s boundary. And that’s hard. Sometimes painfully hard.

    The friend who’s pulled back without explanation. The family member who doesn’t return your calls. The person who said no when you desperately wanted yes.

    Those boundaries can feel like rejection. Like you don’t matter. Like you’ve done something wrong.

    But here’s the truth: respecting other people’s boundaries—even when they hurt, even when they embarrass you—is part of having boundaries yourself.

    You can’t demand people include you, reply to you, or prioritize you.

    Just like they can’t demand those things from you.

    It’s the same principle. Just from the other side.

    Why This Matters for Women Over 50

    For women over 50, this can be especially painful.

    We’ve spent decades making ourselves available to everyone. Picking up the phone. Saying yes. Including people. Making sure no one feels left out.

    So when someone doesn’t do that for us? It feels like a betrayal.

    But it’s not. It’s just a boundary. And it’s theirs to set.

    Learning to respect boundaries that hurt is one of the deepest forms of emotional maturity. And one of the hardest.

    Your Reflection

    Can you think of a boundary someone else has set that’s hard for you to respect?

    The friend who’s pulled back. The family member who doesn’t respond. The person who said no when you wanted yes.

    Can you let them have that boundary—even though it hurts, even though it’s not what you wanted?

    It doesn’t mean you don’t matter.

    It just means they have a boundary. And so do you.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. What boundary is hard for you to respect right now? Hit reply—I’m here to listen. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , ,

    Hello, How are you? I hope you’re well. This week we’ve been talking about boundaries—the ones you set, the ones you need to hold. But what about when other people’s boundaries affect you? The Other Side of Boundaries The friend who doesn’t reply to your message. The invitation you didn’t get. The person who says…

  • Party time and boundaries: A Story About Choosing Yourself at 50+

    Hello,

    This week we’ve been talking about boundaries.

    I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need?

    The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About

    This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would.

    This was a different kind of boundary. Non-negotiable. My son needed me, and everything else had to wait.

    But that same weekend, I did something unusual for me.

    I went to a party. Yes, an actual party. For adults.

    The Party I Almost Didn’t Attend

    It was my best friend’s 55th birthday celebration—three hours away. A six-hour round trip, plus breaks.

    Last year, I would have said, “It’s too far, I can’t go.”

    But this year, I thought: We have ONE life. I’m going.

    Which meant my 8-year-old son wouldn’t come. Which meant my husband would look after him.

    This was a boundary I wouldn’t normally set. I had to think it through. I had to justify it to myself.

    My son and husband would have fun together. They wouldn’t enjoy the long journey. My son would be bored at the party. And I wouldn’t be able to relax, catch up with my friend, and actually enjoy myself.

    The Guilt That Almost Stopped Me

    But here’s the thing: why did I find this so difficult?

    The guilt of leaving him. The feeling of selfishness for not including them.

    Yet I also deeply knew: I needed to see my friend. To chat, to laugh, to really catch up properly about how we both are.

    For women over 50, choosing ourselves—especially when it means asking others to accommodate us for once—can feel almost revolutionary. The guilt is real. But so is the need.

    What Happened When I Said Yes

    And once I made that decision? Everything opened up.

    I met up with another old friend I haven’t seen for years. We spent three hours in a café in lovely Marlow, just talking.

    We’ve both been through rough times (haven’t we all?), and it was so good to be together.

    At the party, I met new people—interesting and interested people. One woman takes three dancing lessons a week: two tap, one ballet. Another has just booked a walking holiday. Another recently started her own interior design business.

    Making that one boundary—going to my friend’s party alone—opened up my world in unexpected ways.

    And here’s the beautiful part: everyone had a great weekend.

    The Power of One Boundary

    Sometimes, setting one boundary creates a ripple effect you never expected.

    That party wasn’t just about celebrating my friend’s birthday. It was about saying: I matter too. My friendships matter. My joy matters.

    It was about choosing myself—not instead of my family, but alongside them.

    And trusting that everyone would be absolutely fine without me for one day.

    They were.

    Your Turn

    This week, I invite you to reflect on your own boundaries.

    What boundary are you setting—or could you set—that might open up your world in ways you haven’t imagined?

    Where are you holding yourself back to accommodate everyone else?

    What would it look like to choose yourself, even just for one day?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. If you’re constantly struggling with boundaries and the guilt that comes with them, you’re not alone. Reply and tell me about it. I’m here. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

    Hello, This week we’ve been talking about boundaries. I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need? The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would. This was a different kind…

  • The people most upset by your boundaries

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    I’ve been thinking about something this week, and I want to share it with you because maybe you’ve experienced this too.

    The people who get most upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited most from not having one.

    And it’s usually your nearest and dearest…that’s tricky.

    The resistance you didn’t expect

    When I first started reclaiming myself and setting boundaries, I thought everyone would understand. I thought they’d say, “Oh, of course! You matter too! No problem.”

    That’s not what happened.

    Instead, it was:

    • “You’ve changed.”
    • “Why are you being so difficult?”
    • “You never used to be like this.”
    • “You’re acting strangely.”

    The irony? The “before” they preferred was when I was too tired, too quiet, not me.  They liked me more accommodating and they were used to it.

    Understandably, really.  

    Why boundaries feel like rejection

    Here’s what I’ve learned: When you’ve spent years being the person who accommodates, who keeps the peace – people get used to that version of you.

    They come to expect it. They rely on it.

    So when you start setting boundaries, it feels to them like you’re being selfish. Difficult. Mean, even.

    But you’re not.

    You’re setting boundaries because you matter too. 

    The pattern to notice

    Pay attention to who pushes back hardest when you set boundaries.

    Often, it’s the people who:

    • Got the most from your lack of boundaries
    • Never had to consider your needs because you always accommodated theirs first
    • Relied on you staying the same so they could stay comfortable

    This doesn’t make them bad people. And it’s often your family and closest friends.

    But their discomfort is not your responsibility to fix. Really, it’s not – though it might feel like it is, it’s the pattern that has been playing for years.

    What this looks like in real life

    Last month, I told a family member I wouldn’t be available for something I used to always say yes to. The response was immediate: “Oh that’s a shame! How come?”

    There wasn’t a loaded silence or resentment. There was no guilt trap.

    I was happy to say that I needed to get on with some work that had been waiting to be done and was bothering me. I didn’t need to apologize. The boundary was clear, and they understood it.

    Another one, they said, “You’re acting strangely”…they didn’t want to understand my point of view or boundary…it was inconvenient to them.

    There can be discomfort, but there doesn’t have to be.

    We all get disappointed and then we all move on and make adjustments. We don’t need to carry everything and everyone – it just doesn’t work in the end.

    Your boundaries aren’t the problem

    If someone reacts badly to your boundaries, that’s information about them, not about you.  It tells you:

    • They were benefiting from your lack of boundaries
    • They prefer you accommodating over you authentic
    • They’re not used to considering your needs
    • Your comfort has never been their priority

    This is hard to hear, hard to accept. Especially with people you love. 

    But you setting boundaries doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear.

    You choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest.

    You saying no doesn’t make you mean. It means you’re caring – caring for yourself as well as others.

    This week’s practice:

    Notice who pushes back on your boundaries.

    This week, when you set a boundary pay attention:

    • Who gets upset?
    • Who makes you feel guilty?
    • Who tries to talk you out of it?
    • Who benefits from you not having the boundary?

    Start noticing the patterns. Because once you see who benefits from your lack of boundaries, you’ll understand the bigger picture.

    And then you’ll be able to redraw that picture with you more brightly in the picture – by making your own boundaries so you can do the things you want to do, be how you want to be.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , ,

    Hello, How are you? I hope you’re well. I’ve been thinking about something this week, and I want to share it with you because maybe you’ve experienced this too. The people who get most upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited most from not having one. And it’s usually your nearest…