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REDISCOVERY

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The Rediscovery Blog

  • Party time and boundaries: A Story About Choosing Yourself at 50+

    Hello,

    This week we’ve been talking about boundaries.

    I wonder—have you made any new ones? Or started noticing which ones you have, or might need?

    The Boundaries We Don’t Talk About

    This week, my son has been off sick from school, which meant I couldn’t work as I normally would.

    This was a different kind of boundary. Non-negotiable. My son needed me, and everything else had to wait.

    But that same weekend, I did something unusual for me.

    I went to a party. Yes, an actual party. For adults.

    The Party I Almost Didn’t Attend

    It was my best friend’s 55th birthday celebration—three hours away. A six-hour round trip, plus breaks.

    Last year, I would have said, “It’s too far, I can’t go.”

    But this year, I thought: We have ONE life. I’m going.

    Which meant my 8-year-old son wouldn’t come. Which meant my husband would look after him.

    This was a boundary I wouldn’t normally set. I had to think it through. I had to justify it to myself.

    My son and husband would have fun together. They wouldn’t enjoy the long journey. My son would be bored at the party. And I wouldn’t be able to relax, catch up with my friend, and actually enjoy myself.

    The Guilt That Almost Stopped Me

    But here’s the thing: why did I find this so difficult?

    The guilt of leaving him. The feeling of selfishness for not including them.

    Yet I also deeply knew: I needed to see my friend. To chat, to laugh, to really catch up properly about how we both are.

    For women over 50, choosing ourselves—especially when it means asking others to accommodate us for once—can feel almost revolutionary. The guilt is real. But so is the need.

    What Happened When I Said Yes

    And once I made that decision? Everything opened up.

    I met up with another old friend I haven’t seen for years. We spent three hours in a café in lovely Marlow, just talking.

    We’ve both been through rough times (haven’t we all?), and it was so good to be together.

    At the party, I met new people—interesting and interested people. One woman takes three dancing lessons a week: two tap, one ballet. Another has just booked a walking holiday. Another recently started her own interior design business.

    Making that one boundary—going to my friend’s party alone—opened up my world in unexpected ways.

    And here’s the beautiful part: everyone had a great weekend.

    The Power of One Boundary

    Sometimes, setting one boundary creates a ripple effect you never expected.

    That party wasn’t just about celebrating my friend’s birthday. It was about saying: I matter too. My friendships matter. My joy matters.

    It was about choosing myself—not instead of my family, but alongside them.

    And trusting that everyone would be absolutely fine without me for one day.

    They were.

    Your Turn

    This week, I invite you to reflect on your own boundaries.

    What boundary are you setting—or could you set—that might open up your world in ways you haven’t imagined?

    Where are you holding yourself back to accommodate everyone else?

    What would it look like to choose yourself, even just for one day?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.

    With love and best wishes always, Susy

    P.S. If you’re constantly struggling with boundaries and the guilt that comes with them, you’re not alone. Reply and tell me about it. I’m here. 💛

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , , , ,

  • The people most upset by your boundaries

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    I’ve been thinking about something this week, and I want to share it with you because maybe you’ve experienced this too.

    The people who get most upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited most from not having one.

    And it’s usually your nearest and dearest…that’s tricky.

    The resistance you didn’t expect

    When I first started reclaiming myself and setting boundaries, I thought everyone would understand. I thought they’d say, “Oh, of course! You matter too! No problem.”

    That’s not what happened.

    Instead, it was:

    • “You’ve changed.”
    • “Why are you being so difficult?”
    • “You never used to be like this.”
    • “You’re acting strangely.”

    The irony? The “before” they preferred was when I was too tired, too quiet, not me.  They liked me more accommodating and they were used to it.

    Understandably, really.  

    Why boundaries feel like rejection

    Here’s what I’ve learned: When you’ve spent years being the person who accommodates, who keeps the peace – people get used to that version of you.

    They come to expect it. They rely on it.

    So when you start setting boundaries, it feels to them like you’re being selfish. Difficult. Mean, even.

    But you’re not.

    You’re setting boundaries because you matter too. 

    The pattern to notice

    Pay attention to who pushes back hardest when you set boundaries.

    Often, it’s the people who:

    • Got the most from your lack of boundaries
    • Never had to consider your needs because you always accommodated theirs first
    • Relied on you staying the same so they could stay comfortable

    This doesn’t make them bad people. And it’s often your family and closest friends.

    But their discomfort is not your responsibility to fix. Really, it’s not – though it might feel like it is, it’s the pattern that has been playing for years.

    What this looks like in real life

    Last month, I told a family member I wouldn’t be available for something I used to always say yes to. The response was immediate: “Oh that’s a shame! How come?”

    There wasn’t a loaded silence or resentment. There was no guilt trap.

    I was happy to say that I needed to get on with some work that had been waiting to be done and was bothering me. I didn’t need to apologize. The boundary was clear, and they understood it.

    Another one, they said, “You’re acting strangely”…they didn’t want to understand my point of view or boundary…it was inconvenient to them.

    There can be discomfort, but there doesn’t have to be.

    We all get disappointed and then we all move on and make adjustments. We don’t need to carry everything and everyone – it just doesn’t work in the end.

    Your boundaries aren’t the problem

    If someone reacts badly to your boundaries, that’s information about them, not about you.  It tells you:

    • They were benefiting from your lack of boundaries
    • They prefer you accommodating over you authentic
    • They’re not used to considering your needs
    • Your comfort has never been their priority

    This is hard to hear, hard to accept. Especially with people you love. 

    But you setting boundaries doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear.

    You choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest.

    You saying no doesn’t make you mean. It means you’re caring – caring for yourself as well as others.

    This week’s practice:

    Notice who pushes back on your boundaries.

    This week, when you set a boundary pay attention:

    • Who gets upset?
    • Who makes you feel guilty?
    • Who tries to talk you out of it?
    • Who benefits from you not having the boundary?

    Start noticing the patterns. Because once you see who benefits from your lack of boundaries, you’ll understand the bigger picture.

    And then you’ll be able to redraw that picture with you more brightly in the picture – by making your own boundaries so you can do the things you want to do, be how you want to be.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , ,

  • How to Use Anger as Information: Reclaiming Your Voice After 50

    Hello,

    How are you today? I hope you are well.

    If you’ve ever felt angry and immediately pushed it down, this is for you.

    I had a moment this week that caught me off guard. I was talking to someone when I was interrupted mid-sentence. Not the first time, unfortunately.

    But this time, I felt the anger. I let myself notice it. I didn’t lash out, there would be no point. But I noticed it and I was going to use this experience for some learning because I’ve had enough of not being heard fully.

    Later on, I thought: What is this anger trying to tell me?

    The anger you’re not supposed to feel…

    For women over 50, anger is complicated.

    We were taught that anger makes you “difficult.” That nice women don’t get angry – they stay calm, understanding, always patient.

    So when anger shows up, you might:

    • Push it down immediately
    • Feel guilty for feeling it
    • Apologize for being “too emotional”
    • Convince yourself you’re overreacting

    But that anger is information on what is not aligned in your life.

    Maternal anger shows that anger serves four critical functions and one of them is Voice Reclamation.

    Anger as a signal

    When you’ve spent years staying quiet to keep the peace, anger becomes a signal that your voice needs reclaiming.

    The anger isn’t the problem – it’s pointing to the problem which is actually really useful!

    It’s saying:

    • “This isn’t okay anymore.”
    • “I’ve been dismissed too many times.”
    • “My voice matters too.”
    • “I’m done being talked over.”
    • “I won’t stay silent to keep everyone else comfortable.”

    In my case, the anger that rose when I was interrupted wasn’t random. It was quite normal. I know what it’s like being talked over, dismissed, and treated like my experience as a highly trained nurse, mother, and woman with 20+ years of expertise doesn’t matter.

    Excuse me, I matter. We all matter.

    The anger was telling me: It’s time to reclaim your voice and I’m not tolerating this anymore.

    What anger reveals…

    Think about the last time you felt angry.

    Now ask: What was happening right before that?

    For many women over 50, anger shows up when:

    • Someone dismisses what you just said
    • Your needs are treated as optional while everyone else’s are urgent
    • You’re expected to accommodate but receive no accommodation in return
    • Someone speaks for you or over you
    • Your expertise is questioned by someone with less experience
    • You’re told you’re “too sensitive” when you point out something unfair

    What is your anger trying to tell you? Use it as information.

    Reclaiming your voice through anger…

    Here’s the shift: Anger isn’t something to suppress or apologize for.

    Anger is data and it’s pointing you toward where your voice needs to be heard.

    When I felt that anger, it was telling me: “You deserve to finish your sentences. You deserve to be heard. Your voice matters.”

    Later that day, I went back to him. Calm. Clear. “When you interrupted me earlier, I wasn’t finished making my point. In the future, I’d appreciate if you’d let me complete my thoughts without interrupting and listen instead. And I will be completing them from now on.”

    Was it comfortable? No. But change isn’t always comfortable.

    The anger had shown me something true: My voice had been taken and I wanted to reclaim it…I had to reclaim it to honour my own being.

    This week’s practice:

    Track your anger this week.

    When you feel angry (even a flash of irritation), pause and ask:

    What is this anger trying to tell me?

    Specifically:

    • Where is my voice being silenced right now?
    • What boundary has been crossed?
    • What truth do I want to speak?

    Your anger is information. Let it guide you.

    Want more support in reclaiming your voice? Download my free Rediscover Your Values Workbook to get clear on what truly matters to you.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , ,

  • Rediscovering the Parts of Yourself You Forgot: A Reflection on Identity After 50

    Hello,

    How are you? I hope things are well with you.

    I was driving to a nursing shift this evening and turned on the radio. Fauré.

    Suddenly the car was filled with it. I’d forgotten how much I loved Fauré. I sang along loudly and had the thought: I need more music in my life.

    Here’s the thing – I’m a trained musician. Specialist music school. Music degree. Flute and piano to a high level. I taught for years. I used to dream of performing.

    But as I got older, I realized I didn’t want the stage. I wanted home. I wanted to play for myself, not an audience.

    And then… I just stopped.

    Not consciously. It just happened. Life got busy. Work. Kids. All the things.

    And I forgot how much I love music. All kinds, not just classical.

    This got me thinking:

    It’s so easy to forget parts of yourself while you’re busy doing other things.

    Yet those parts – the ones you set aside – they’re what make you you.

    They’re the pieces of the jigsaw.

    We put them on the shelf when life gets full: career, family, health, caring for others.

    And we forget they’re there.

    Hearing Fauré tonight was a reminder: All parts of you matter.

    They feed into each other. They lift your heart.

    Today’s reflection:

    Is there something you’ve forgotten that’s actually an important part of you?

    Let it come back into your life again.

    Notice the smile it brings.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , ,

  • You Don’t Have to Be Loud to Be Big: Finding Your Quiet Power After 50

    How are you? I hope you’re doing well.

    I’ve been thinking about what makes people big.

    Some people seem so big – they’re loud, take up all the space. Sometimes I want to say, “Hold your horses, we don’t all need to hear all this.”

    But I’ve realised you don’t have to be loud to be big.

    The Power of Being Quietly Big

    I’m not a loud person. I’m actually quite small and quite quiet. But I KNOW what’s right and what’s wrong. I know what I’ll tolerate and what I won’t tolerate anymore.

    And that makes me quietly big.

    I’m not tolerating being dismissed. I’m not tolerating being put down. I’m not tolerating being treated differently just because I’m a mum, a woman, and now a woman over 50.

    I’m done with that.

    What Quiet Confidence Really Means

    You don’t have to be loud to be big. You can be quietly confident and calm in knowing what you want and what’s right according to YOUR values.

    That can create waves. Maybe even storms.

    But the calm water, the peace, comes again because you’re being true to yourself. Your peace comes because you’re being authentically you.

    I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s actually hard, especially when it doesn’t suit the people around you.

    But quiet confidence? That’s real power.

    And if you know someone who acts BIG, perhaps they aren’t so big after all…

    Your Turn: What Won’t You Tolerate Anymore?

    What’s one thing you don’t tolerate any more? I’d love to hear from you.

    Ready to go deeper?

    If you’re tired of waiting and are ready to rediscover the true you, I’d love to support you with 1:1 confidential coaching

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in ,

  • Don’t Wait to Feel Like It: Motivation for Women Over 50

    Starting over at 50 means learning to trust yourself again—even when you don’t feel ready.

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    This week is about starting something new as a woman over 50.

    I started something new yesterday—I went to the gym and did a Pilates class.

    I did not want to go. It was raining. I was happy doing some work at home. But I do want to feel great. I do want to feel strong.

    So I went. And I’m so glad I did. I felt muscles I didn’t know existed. Everyone was friendly. I felt like part of something positive and progressive.

    Building Confidence in Your 50s: Don’t Wait to Feel Motivated

    Here’s what I learned about motivation for women over 50: Don’t wait to FEEL like you want to do something. Do it anyway.

    I didn’t feel like going at all. But I knew I would feel good afterwards. That’s self-trust for women over 50. That’s knowing: if you do X, you’ll feel Y.

    Starting over at 50 often means not taking the easy option.

    The easy option would have been to stay home and say, “I’ll wait for another day.” It would have been easy to carry on with what I was doing.

    But by going, I became part of something. I was inspired by every single person there—men, women, of all different ages and body shapes.

    Overcoming Resistance: A Practice for Women Over 50

    When you next don’t feel like doing something that you know you actually want to do… do it anyway.

    Beat that voice inside your head that’s discouraging you. Yes, it can be loud.

    Be your own best friend. Do the right thing. One step at a time. One day at a time.

    This is how women over 50 build confidence—not by waiting for motivation, but by trusting yourself enough to take action first.

    Your Turn: Taking Action in Midlife

    What’s one thing you’ve been putting off that you know would make you feel good?

    For women over 50 who are starting over, the secret isn’t feeling ready. It’s trusting yourself enough to begin.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in , ,

  • The courage to start again

    How are you? I hope you’re well.

    Monday’s email was about starting something new. Yesterday that was me, in a hard way.

    My sister and I cleared out my Mum’s things. She died in September, and we’d been putting this off waiting until the New Year…

    Mum was a great declutterer – she’d often say, “If you want it, have it!  I don’t need it!” – so she had very few possessions. Some clothes. A little jewellery. We went through everything in just a few hours.

    It was sad. But it was necessary. It was the beginning of a new era whether we wanted it or not.

    Some new starts can’t be avoided.

    Death. Divorce. Redundancy. Your kids leaving home. Your body changing in ways you can’t control.

    These beginnings are thrust upon you. You don’t choose them. But you have to start anyway.

    Other new starts? Perhaps we avoid those.

    Even when we know avoiding them costs us.

    We avoid starting because starting requires courage. It requires being a beginner again, admitting maybe we got something wrong and need to try differently.

    Starting requires being willing to be bad at something.

    I’ve started lifting weights. I’ve never done it before and I feel daft doing it.

    But I know that in 10 years, I’ll either thank myself for starting now or regret that I didn’t.  I already regret that I didn’t start earlier.

    So I bought some dumbbells and I’m doing 10 minutes three times a week. I’m not good at it, I just do it anyway.

    And that’s the point.

    Starting doesn’t require you to be good. It just requires you to begin.

    The question is:

    Are you avoiding starting something?

    • The difficult conversation you need to have?
    • The boundary you need to set?
    • The dream you’ve been putting off?
    • The small practice that would change your life?

    You don’t have to do it perfectly and you don’t have to know how it will turn out.

    You just have to take the first step.

    With love and best wishes always,
    Susy

    P.S. What’s the one thing you’ve been avoiding starting? Hit reply—I read every response.

    Ready to go deeper?

    If you’re ready to stop avoiding and start choosing yourself, I’d love to support you.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in

  • What if 2026 is the year you stop waiting?

    I’m writing this on the first Monday of 2026.  The Christmas tree and decorations are all put away and there is a sense of freshness and clarity.

    So is it time to start afresh, to try something different, to finally do that thing you’ve been thinking about for months.

    But sometimes that idea can get squashed with the thought of…

    “Is it too late? What’s the point?”

    We’ve all played the waiting game at some point in our lives…

    Maybe you’ve been waiting to pursue something you put aside years ago.
    Maybe you’ve been waiting until the kids left home.
    Maybe you’ve been waiting until you have more time, energy, money.
    Maybe you’ve been waiting for someone to say it’s okay, go ahead, go for it.

    And maybe you’re tired of waiting.

    I spent a long time not prioritizing myself. Waiting until everyone else’s needs were met. Waiting until it wouldn’t inconvenience anyone. Just waiting.

    Until one day I looked around and thought: What am I waiting for, exactly? What magical moment am I expecting where suddenly it will be easier, less complicated, more acceptable to finally choose myself?  At this rate, I will never do what I actually want to do – learn French, live in France, go dancing, sing, love the clothes I wear, feel good about myself, start my own business…

    There’s no one who will tell you to stop waiting.   

    It comes from you.

    And it’s okay to start messy, imperfect, not know what you’re doing exactly, learn as you go.

    So a few years ago, I stopped waiting.

    Not in one dramatic decision, but in a series of small choices that gave me butterflies. I took my life coaching course (I loved it, it changed my life), when people said I shouldn’t be wasting money.   I started building this business slowly when people asked why I wasn’t just grateful to have a stable and rewarding work as a nurse.  

    I carried on because I knew deep down that I wanted to support women in a different way to how I support mothers who come to the neonatal intensive care unit.  I knew my new work in life coaching was important and worthwhile.  Because it was what I had needed myself and it had changed my life.

    Some people didn’t understand.

    But I carried on regardless.  My journey of rediscovery continued and in doing so, I improved my relationships, authenticity, my strength and joy. I started recognizing myself again.

    That woman who used to have dreams and opinions and a sense of what she wanted from life – she was still there. I’d waited so long that I’d almost forgotten who I really was.  But I’m back and it feels great.  I’m still on that rediscovery journey – I think I always will be because we are always evolving and I love it.

    So who’s permission do you need to be you? No-ones – just you.
    You don’t need perfect timing – there is never a perfect time.
    You don’t need anyone’s approval – you will always be judged so just go for being the true you.

    There will always be one more reason to wait. One more person who needs you. One more thing that should come first.

    But let’s face it, there’s never a socially acceptable time to prioritize yourself. When you’re younger, you’re needed – by children, partners, money to earn, aging parents to care for (and you truly are needed, and it can be beautiful, it’s not a bad thing).

    When you’re older, you’re expected to be grateful, be content with what you have and stop wanting more.

    There’s no magical window where everyone suddenly cheers you on saying, “Yes, now is your time. Go ahead. Chase that dream. Choose yourself. 

    You just have to decide it’s your time. And then start.

    Even if it feels too late (it’s not). Even if people are confused (soon they won’t be). Even if it’s messy and imperfect and you’re figuring it out as you go (that’s just fine – you won’t know the second step until you take the first step).

    This year, what if you just started on one idea that keeps coming back to you, that just stays with you?

    I’m not saying it will be easy. But what if this is the year you let go of the idea that “it’s not the right time”?

    Here’s something for you to practice this week:

    Answer this question honestly:

    What have you been wating to do but have let it sit on a shelf gathering dust?

    Write it down. Don’t edit yourself. Don’t make it reasonable or small or acceptable.

    Just write what you’ve been waiting to do, be, or become.

    Then ask yourself: What’s one tiny step I could take toward that this week?

    Not the whole thing or a perfect plan. Just one small movement in that direction.

    That’s the beginning.   Choose one thing and start anyway.

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in

  • Finding Direction in Midlife Motherhood

    As we enter August and this season of finding our compass, I want to start with something that might surprise you: it’s perfectly okay to feel completely lost right now. In a world that demands we always know our next move, admitting you don’t know what you want feels almost rebellious.  And definitely disorganized and not “together”.  And shouldn’t we have it together as midlife mothers?   If not by now, when?

    You know that panicky feeling when someone asks about your five-year plan, and you can barely think past next week.  I used to think this uncertainty meant I was failing at life.  Particularly since my plans rarely went to plan…it seemed that everyone else had some internal GPS that I was clearly missing.

    What you really want is permission to not have all the answers. You want to find your direction without the pressure of having everything figured out immediately. You want to trust that it’s okay to wander while you’re finding your way – that not all those who wander are truly lost.

    I remember sitting in my car after dropping the kids at school one morning, tired but surviving. A friend had asked: “What do you want to do today?” Not what needed to be done, not what others expected – what I wanted. I just wanted to sit still and do nothing, nothing at all.

    It seemed like other mothers had some secret compass that pointed them toward their desires, their dreams, their direction.  I just wanted peace. I didn’t want a direction or a plan in that moment.

    That’s when I learned something life-changing: uncertainty isn’t a character flaw. It’s information. When you don’t know what you want, it often means you’ve been so busy meeting everyone else’s needs that you’ve lost touch with your own internal navigation system.

    The breakthrough came when I stopped trying to figure out what I wanted and started exploring what mattered to me. Instead of asking “What’s my dream?” I began asking “What are my values?” Instead of demanding a destination, I focused on finding my compass.

    Here’s how you can start finding your direction when you feel lost:

    First, identify what you absolutely don’t want. Sometimes our “no” is clearer than our “yes.” Write down three things that drain your energy or make you feel misaligned.

    Second, notice what you value in small moments. When do you feel most like yourself? What situations make you feel energized rather than depleted? What brings a smile to your face? These clues point to your direction today.

    Third, make one small decision this week based purely on what feels right to you, not what you think you should want. Trust your internal compass, even if it’s just choosing which coffee to order and which seat to sit in.

    “Not all those who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien

    Don’t worry about the idea that everyone needs you to have direction, to be the steady one, to know the plan.

    You’re allowed to be uncertain about your direction. You’re allowed to take time to figure out what you want. You’re allowed to wander while you find your way. Take that breath. 

    Your internal compass is there – it’s just been buried under years of putting everyone else’s needs first. This isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about trusting yourself enough to explore the questions.

    You matter. Your direction matters. Your journey of discovery matters.

    With love and best wishes, as always,

    Susy x

    —

    by

    Susy Rosemary
    in