Hello,
How are you? I hope you’re well.
This week we’ve been talking about boundaries—the ones you set, the ones you need to hold. But what about when other people’s boundaries affect you?
The Other Side of Boundaries
The friend who doesn’t reply to your message. The invitation you didn’t get. The person who says “No thanks” when you wanted “Yes please.”
Those hurt. And they’re still boundaries we need to respect.
It’s easy to talk about setting OUR boundaries. But what happens when we’re on the receiving end of someone else’s?
The Party I Wasn’t Invited To
I remember when my Mum told me I was invited to my uncle’s 80th birthday party. He’s my godfather, and the whole family would be there.
“Everyone’s invited,” she said.
I hadn’t received an invitation myself, but I trusted her. And even though it was far away—normally I’d say no because of the distance—I thought: this time I’ll go. I’ll make the effort. I booked accommodation and put it in the diary.
Then a few weeks later, Mum called. “This is embarrassing,” she started. “You’re not actually invited. They don’t have room in the restaurant.”
Ouch.
The embarrassment. The hurt. The anger, if I’m honest.
I cancelled the trip. I felt foolish. I should have waited for an actual invitation. I should have checked directly with them instead of assuming.
The Boundary I Didn’t Want to See
But here’s the point: they had a boundary. A certain number of places. And I wasn’t high enough on the guest list.
It stung. But it was their boundary to set.
Not mine to challenge. Not mine to be angry about. Theirs.
And accepting that—truly accepting it—was harder than setting any boundary of my own.
Boundaries Don’t Only Work One Way
We love talking about OUR boundaries. The ones we set. The ones we hold. The ones we’re proud of finally saying no to.
But boundaries don’t just work in one direction.
Sometimes you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s boundary. And that’s hard. Sometimes painfully hard.
The friend who’s pulled back without explanation. The family member who doesn’t return your calls. The person who said no when you desperately wanted yes.
Those boundaries can feel like rejection. Like you don’t matter. Like you’ve done something wrong.
But here’s the truth: respecting other people’s boundaries—even when they hurt, even when they embarrass you—is part of having boundaries yourself.
You can’t demand people include you, reply to you, or prioritize you.
Just like they can’t demand those things from you.
It’s the same principle. Just from the other side.
Why This Matters for Women Over 50
For women over 50, this can be especially painful.
We’ve spent decades making ourselves available to everyone. Picking up the phone. Saying yes. Including people. Making sure no one feels left out.
So when someone doesn’t do that for us? It feels like a betrayal.
But it’s not. It’s just a boundary. And it’s theirs to set.
Learning to respect boundaries that hurt is one of the deepest forms of emotional maturity. And one of the hardest.
Your Reflection
Can you think of a boundary someone else has set that’s hard for you to respect?
The friend who’s pulled back. The family member who doesn’t respond. The person who said no when you wanted yes.
Can you let them have that boundary—even though it hurts, even though it’s not what you wanted?
It doesn’t mean you don’t matter.
It just means they have a boundary. And so do you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit reply—I read every single one.
With love and best wishes always, Susy
P.S. What boundary is hard for you to respect right now? Hit reply—I’m here to listen. 💛