This was originally sent to my REDISCOVERY newsletter subscribers. If you’d like letters like this delivered to your inbox every Monday, you can sign up on the side on this page.
How are you? I hope you’re well. The bluebells are out in the UK and the daffodils are still going – it’s such a pretty time of year. I’ve just booked my first walk with The Ramblers, which feels like exactly the kind of thing I should be doing more of.
I want to talk about anger today. Not the explosive kind. The quiet kind. The kind that sits just below the surface for years while you get on with things and make it all work well enough.
I remember sitting in a conversation – nodding, staying calm, being reasonable – while something inside me went flat. It was the realisation that what I wanted wasn’t going to happen, even though I’d clearly expressed how important it was and had been told it was going to happen. I felt betrayed because it became clear that I had been lied to. The anger I felt mattered because it showed me what I knew was important, and the flatness came because my values had not been respected.
What I didn’t realise was that every time anything similar had happened in the past, I had swallowed it – but that anger had in fact stayed with me.
It felt like tiredness. But it was unexpressed anger that had nowhere to go.
I’ve come to understand that anger is information – incredibly helpful information. It tells you when a limit has been crossed, when something that matters to you has been dismissed, when you’ve been carrying something that was never yours to carry.
We were taught from childhood that anger is unbecoming. Too much. Difficult. But anger – when you listen to it rather than manage it away – points directly at what you value. It says: this matters. This needs to change. I deserve better than this.
That’s not a problem. That’s a compass.
This week’s practice:
Think of something that has made you quietly angry – perhaps something you’ve pushed down, explained away, or decided wasn’t worth mentioning.
Then ask yourself:
- What is my anger actually protecting?
- What does it tell me I value?
- What would I no longer tolerate if I honoured this feeling?
You don’t need to address everything at once. One answer. One small step. That step will lead to another.
With love and best wishes always, Susy