As we enter August and this season of finding our compass, I want to start with something that might surprise you: it’s perfectly okay to feel completely lost right now. In a world that demands we always know our next move, admitting you don’t know what you want feels almost rebellious. And definitely disorganized and not “together”. And shouldn’t we have it together as midlife mothers? If not by now, when?
You know that panicky feeling when someone asks about your five-year plan, and you can barely think past next week. I used to think this uncertainty meant I was failing at life. Particularly since my plans rarely went to plan…it seemed that everyone else had some internal GPS that I was clearly missing.
What you really want is permission to not have all the answers. You want to find your direction without the pressure of having everything figured out immediately. You want to trust that it’s okay to wander while you’re finding your way – that not all those who wander are truly lost.
I remember sitting in my car after dropping the kids at school one morning, tired but surviving. A friend had asked: “What do you want to do today?” Not what needed to be done, not what others expected – what I wanted. I just wanted to sit still and do nothing, nothing at all.
It seemed like other mothers had some secret compass that pointed them toward their desires, their dreams, their direction. I just wanted peace. I didn’t want a direction or a plan in that moment.
That’s when I learned something life-changing: uncertainty isn’t a character flaw. It’s information. When you don’t know what you want, it often means you’ve been so busy meeting everyone else’s needs that you’ve lost touch with your own internal navigation system.
The breakthrough came when I stopped trying to figure out what I wanted and started exploring what mattered to me. Instead of asking “What’s my dream?” I began asking “What are my values?” Instead of demanding a destination, I focused on finding my compass.
Here’s how you can start finding your direction when you feel lost:
First, identify what you absolutely don’t want. Sometimes our “no” is clearer than our “yes.” Write down three things that drain your energy or make you feel misaligned.
Second, notice what you value in small moments. When do you feel most like yourself? What situations make you feel energized rather than depleted? What brings a smile to your face? These clues point to your direction today.
Third, make one small decision this week based purely on what feels right to you, not what you think you should want. Trust your internal compass, even if it’s just choosing which coffee to order and which seat to sit in.
“Not all those who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
Don’t worry about the idea that everyone needs you to have direction, to be the steady one, to know the plan.
You’re allowed to be uncertain about your direction. You’re allowed to take time to figure out what you want. You’re allowed to wander while you find your way. Take that breath.
Your internal compass is there – it’s just been buried under years of putting everyone else’s needs first. This isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about trusting yourself enough to explore the questions.
You matter. Your direction matters. Your journey of discovery matters.
With love and best wishes, as always,
Susy x